


Christmas Ditties Professionals Style

by KrisserCI5



Category: The Professionals (TV 1977)
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21668257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisserCI5/pseuds/KrisserCI5
Summary: Christmas songs and poems rewritten in a Bodie and Doyle themed way.Each chapter a different offering.Original written for Discovered in a Livejournal Christmas - 2016 and on.
Relationships: William Bodie/Ray Doyle
Kudos: 11





	1. 12 Days of Christmas - Pros Style

The 12 Days of Christmas - Professionals Style

by krisser

On the first day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

A bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the second day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the third day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the fourth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the fifth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the sixth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the seventh day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the eighth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Eight fingers combing  
Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the ninth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Nine buttons ripping  
Eight fingers combing  
Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the tenth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Ten flicks per nipple  
Nine buttons ripping  
Eight fingers combing  
Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the eleventh day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Eleven minutes kissing  
Ten flicks per nipple  
Nine buttons ripping  
Eight fingers combing  
Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest

On the twelfth day of Christmas Bodie gave to Doyle

Twelve strokes a-coming  
Eleven minutes kissing  
Ten flicks per nipple  
Nine buttons ripping  
Eight fingers combing  
Seven times a-flirting  
Six miles a-running  
Five days of leave  
Four sirens whirling  
Three guns afire  
Two motorbikes  
and a bottle of Cowley’s finest


	2. 'Twas the night before Christmas Professionals Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remake of Christmas poem.

'Twas the night before Christmas Professionals Style 

by krisser

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the flat;  
Doyle was tossing his clothing, this way and that.  
Bodie's were hung in the loo with great care,  
In hopes that the sperm couldn't reach it in there;

Then Bodie was waiting, all nestled in bed,  
Hoping that Doyle, was about to give head.  
Doyle rolled over naked, Bodie the same;  
They humped and they humped until they both came.

When suddenly outside there was ruckus and clatter,  
They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.  
Away to the window they flew like a flash,  
Cause they couldn't help hearing the sounds of a crash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,  
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,  
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,  
But the CI5 lads with pretzels and beer.

The little old driver - not very quick,  
They saw it was Cowley and not dear St. Nick.  
More rapid than eagles the coursers they came,  
Cowley whistled, and shouted, and called them all names:  
"Now, Anson! now, Murphy! Lucas, McCabe!  
Susan n Betty's here, Don’t call them babe!  
We must gain access, we must gain it quick!  
They'll drink the Glenfiddich, lickity-split!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;  
So up to the landing, the agents all climbed;  
Never thinking of Cowley left far behind—

And then in a twinkling, the lads were all there,  
But too drunk to observe that the 'Partners' were bare!  
Then Bodie and Doyle- they dashed all about;  
Picked up the sex toys and threw them all out.

Cowley then entered, slammed open the door!  
Demanded the whiskey, the sex toys and more;  
He said he had plans, they were just about through,  
When he sank to the floor, without telling who.

His snores were quite loud, could be heard on the moon;  
Doyle draped a rug over, said he'd be out 'til noon;  
The agents- all toasted their commander n chief,  
and drank themselves silly in bloody relief.  
The lads ended up plastered, asleep and a snore;  
When Doyle winked at Bodie and showed him a door.

Inside was a hot tub, champagne, and delights;  
Bodie smiled at his lover then dimmed down the lights;  
The water was warm, felt good to the touch,  
They'd have to go slow, or it soon be too much.

Bodie was hard, and fully erect.  
Doyle grabbed it and teased and was just about set  
Bodie heard him exclaim, ere he dove out of sight—  
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

2017 clement c moore with help from krisserci5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A Visit from St. Nicholas", more commonly known as "The Night Before Christmas" and "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" from its first line, is a poem first published anonymously in 1823 and later attributed to Clement Clarke Moore, who claimed authorship in 1837.
> 
> Augmentation by krisserci5 in 2017


	3. Jingle Bells – Pros Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas song Jingle Bells done over for Bodie and Doyle.

Jingle Bells – Pros Style

by krisser

(with apologies to James Lord Pierpont)

Dashing through the snow  
in a Vauxhull, color gray.  
Through the streets they go,  
shooting all the way.  
Sirens blaring loud,  
lights a-flashing, too!  
Cowley yelling loud and clear,  
you both know what to do!

Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day, hey!  
Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day. Yeah!

You might be wondering now,  
how'd that came about.  
Catch the bad guys fast  
they heard Cowley shout.  
The snow was falling thick,  
a crash was bound to be.  
Careening through the snowy streets,  
the Vauxhall hit a tree.

Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day, hey!  
Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day. Yeah!

A day or two ago,  
when Bodie almost died.  
Ray Doyle soon found the truth,  
the answer by his side.  
He reached and grabbed his prick,  
responding hard and fast.  
Doyle got to work and got him off,  
They'd found true love at last!

Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day, hey!  
Jingle bells, what the hell,  
Bodie's kissing Doyle.  
Oh, what fun to see bare bums,  
and boffing all the day. Yeah!

DIALJ 2018 - prompt - song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Jingle Bells" was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1850 and published under the title "One Horse Open Sleigh" in the autumn of 1857. 
> 
> Augmented by krisser.


	4. Planning out the CI5 Ball -  (Pros version of Winter Wonderland)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pros version of Winter Wonderland

Planning out the CI5 Ball (Pros version of Winter Wonderland)

by krisser

Sleigh Bells ring, are you listening,  
Cow's on leave, ain't it bitchin,  
We'll party and play,  
The whole night away,  
Planning out the CI5 ball.

Anson's busy, getting whisky,  
Macklin's singing, songs are off-key,  
Murphy and Jax,  
Are working on snacks,  
Planning out the CI5 Ball.

Door guard Ray, he's on duty  
Bodie's gone and pinched the Cow's key  
They steal all the malt,  
From CI5's vault,  
Planning out the CI5 ball.

In a cupboard, we can find the lovers,  
Taking seconds out to steal a kiss,  
Bodie smiles and reaches for the covers,  
Knowing that he got for what he wished.

Later on, they'll conspire,  
As they boff by the fire,  
They'll frolic and play,   
Our Bodie and Ray,  
While others plan the CI5 ball.

xmas 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original song written by Felix Bernard and Richard B. Smith - 1934  
> Augmented by krisser


	5. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, Professionals Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another holiday song adaption.

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, Professionals Style  
original song by Meredith Willson, Pros update, krisser

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
Everywhere you go;  
Ray's dressed like an elf  
And Bodie's just himself  
Calling out a merry ho, ho, ho.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
In the agent's lounge;  
Sprigs of mistletoe  
To catch 'em, don't you know  
Ray and Bodie snogging all around.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
All around their flat;  
Fairy lights are on the tree  
Bodie's on his knees  
And Doyle is coming quickly just like that.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
In their big, wide bed;  
Bodie stripped off all Ray's clothes  
And found the big red bow  
Knowing after all that he'll get fed.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
Up and down the hall;  
The lads are happy now  
Got the whisky to the Cow  
With drinks raised high for toasting one and all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
For it's Christmas once more!

**Author's Note:**

> Original song by Frederic Austin
> 
> The augmentation is solely mine.


End file.
